Mr. MC Hammer

Location: Milton, FL Season: Summer 2019

Our first date was at a neighborhood restaurant, just blocks from my second place of residence in Pensacola (I’m currently in my third). There was live jazz playing and a steady conversation. We closed the restaurant down and then went for a stroll around the neighborhood, all the way to downtown. Talking about God knows what in the thick humid air, he kept his distance.

Even after the clock stroke 12, he kept distance. I went for a hug, but it was more awkward than I would have liked to hope. Kind of like one of those ones where abrasive aunt forces a hug on you: I was that aunt.

Date number two, we met at a sushi place where his sarcasm really surfaced. Rolling in laughter and fresh tuna, we chatted away the evening and then he asked if I wanted to go for a drive. Adventurous Stephanie said yes as my feet were already bringing me toward his ’03 Toyota. The question as to where we were headed didn’t escape my lips until we had made three turns from the restuarant parking lot I abandoned my car.

With the most slate face, my date responded, “To the site of your murder.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” I forced but low-key was wondering if my “good luck” of trusting unfamiliar men was wearing off.

My doubt was alleviated when he pulled into the Best Buy parking lot for a battery, he confessed while parking. A smile replaced the dread on my face when he suggested we go to Starbucks for a chai tea latte. I could tell he didn’t want the night to end and that felt good :)) We proceeded to close down Starbucks as well.

Still not a single hand-hold, a flirty tap on the shoulder, nothing. I understand respect and guys wanting to avoid the whole me-too movement… But personal touch is one of my love languages… And I only have two.

Come on Mac Hammer! I would like a number one with extra passion.

Date number three was his birthday. He hinted that he had no real plans since he preferred doing them with a significant other. I asked what kind of adventure he wanted to get into for his birthday and he said a simple Sushi dinner in his hometown.

Milton is Pensacola asleep. Which is saying something, because Pensacola always seems like it’s sleeping to me. Even the traffic can not be classified as traffic. 30 cars? That’s all you got? Okay. Come back to me when you’re on Dallas or Austin level. Or Charleston when one of the bridges was out. You know I’m feeling pessimistic about a place when I complain about not having traffic.

At this date, I realized he wasn’t going to touch me. It started to make me feel a little self-conscious, and then I stopped. If I’ve learned anything since my dating in Pensacola, it’s that rejection is not you. Everyone’s got something specific they’re looking for or looking to avoid, and I can’t help that I’m not it. So, I paid for his birthday dinner, we went to his home and he showed me a couple videos. Then, I left unkissed and untouched. On his birthday. Didn’t they make a song about this?

Or at least a birthday kiss

Two weeks later, I caught a glimpse of him in the mall while we’re both on other days. Mr. MC Hammer must have sang to her “Can’t Touch This,” cuz she too was keeping her distance as they made their stroll past the half empty stores. At least he wasn’t touching her either?

• 4 drops green food coloring
• 1/2 teaspoon water
• 1/4 cup flaked coconut

• 48 vanilla wafers
• 24 chocolate covered thin mints
• 1 tablespoon sesame seeds

​https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/10119/hamburger-cookies/

The thin mint symbolizes the refreshing relief that it diffused naturally and no feelings were hurt in making these “MC-Hamburgers”