Season: Summer 2019
Location: Pensacola, FL
Remember when I said I dumped the dating site and I still had a few leads I exchanged information with before deleting it? This 24-year-old was the last one left, and funny enough, he looks like this hottie pictured above. Thank you male Vanna.
To start this date off, I was HELLA late for a not-so-important-date. Hardly time to say hello, goodbye- I was late, late late!
How could I have been so disrespectful? I warned him that I NEVER get my hair did (felt oh-so glamorous) so I was unaware that coloring your natural hair took hours upon hours. Once my mermaid hair was vibrant and flip-worthy, I called him to inquire of his location and profusely apologize.
He was surprisingly understanding and sent me a location to meet where we could walk on the beach. I’m not a girly girl that would normally complain “oh my hair!” but… I did JUST get it done. Not only would no one else get to see it in its shiny glory, but it wasn’t even worth it!
The conversation was prompt, and to the point; boy was on a mission. Yes, he was merely a boy. The way he asked to hold my hand under the full moon crafted an eerie air around us. I began mentally planning my escape route when I felt a sense of desperation in his tone and body language. Since I had no restraint to hold anything back at 9 o’clock with a stranger on a humid, no-breeze night on the beach, I made a comment that he seemed a little “girl deprived.”
“I am girl deprived,” he confessed. “But… you must be boy deprived if you haven’t had a boy friend since December.”
Mr. P Deprived had the audacity to ask if we could do anything tonight.
What? Are you kitting me? You are desperate for any cat. I should have called him Mr. Thirsty, but it was beyond that.
After this painful and haunting encounter, these were the messages exchanged: (get the popcorn)
I obviously had no concern with proofreading that last message since it should have said “them” instead of “him first.” As if this date wasn’t enough of a joke, his last response is definitely mic-drop worthy:
“It takes too much time. Too many girls are on those apps for self esteem boosts from random guys. I refuse to wade through it anymore. 😂”
I’m sorry…. but you looking for pussy cats is acceptable? Hands down he was one of those guys that swipes right on EVERYONE to “increase his odds.”
If this isn’t a wake-up call, I don’t know what is.
Dates and Cakes 